My vision seems so cloudy these days, and I mean my spiritual vision, I just got new glasses so my eyes are in perfect health LOL. I have been in the word more than ever, and yet I cannot seem to get clarity on this one issue. I posted previously about a stirring in my heart towards missions. Well that has not go away. My husband and I have thrown around a few ideas and scenarios, and I am slated to go to my midwifery skills course in October (funds pending). Here’s how it all breaks down. I feel like I want to be able to use midwifery on the mission field on a Trip by Trip basis, not career missions. To do that I need to become a midwife. There are possibilities for that to happen and we are open to them but they cost money. Then there is the opportunity to go to a charity birthing center overseas that does specific HANDS ON training for women desiring to be missionary midwives. The cost to do that is humanly HUGE; $7,000-$12,000! But then I think… really if it is God ordained it isn’t huge at all! We have talked about different ways of doing it (me going alone, or them coming too) For about 4 years I have felt a pull to this area, and to the clinic specifically. I cannot see to get them out of my head. They serve very poor women who cannot afford maternity care. All care received is free of charge, and from what friends have told me who have been there, the care is fantastic! The clinic relies on the support of Missionaries like myself coming to train and then after certification come back and volunteer. They employ local midwives who work tirelessly serving these woman. I ask you all to pray with me on the God’s timing to be revealed, and for the appropriate funding when the time comes.
It was a beautiful day, not to hot, just enough breeze. The baby and I were out on the deck and Aaron was sleeping inside where daddy was. Armed with an iced coffee and my bible I decided it was time to seek out God on a few things. I have had a stirring in y soul that I do not quite know how to satisfy. I have had my heart set on midwifery for a long time, but how, when and where is unclear. Also what this stirring in my soul is. So I started by inviting God to come and speak, specifically by listening to and praying the words of the song Speak O Lord. I then did the old “open your bible and let God choose a place for it to open” I ended up in Esther, my thought was “uh oh, this could get interesting”
But never the less I read and was open to what God would have me learn. I then decided to worship a bit more with Starfield’s Cry in my Heart. As I tried to reflect on the music, and what the passage was saying I kept hearing the phrase “My heart is steadfast O God, My heart is steadfast” So I flipped over to psalms to see what the whole passage was saying. This is what I see as i read through. (obviously it was not the first time this verse had spoken to me.)
As i read i was reminded of a vow I made to the Lord that I would go to “the ends of the earth” if he wanted me to. I began to wonder if my time to serve was going to emerge sooner rather than later. Then this verse came into my sight, on the adjacent page; “Then I will sing praises to your name forever as I fulfill my vows each day.” I Decided to ask God to speak again giving me a word, or image. I closed my eyes I couldn’t get a very clear picture and felt to open my eyes. As I did, an old, rickety, white and blue bus drove by. Ummm…. Ok God, please clarify. So i close my eyes, but again felt to open my eyes at which point a white cargo van drives by. Was God trying to speak through the Traffic?? I am waiting for more clarity, but in the mean time, I saw this image when watching a video about a charity birthing clinic in the Philippines. This is their ambulance
used for transporting moms or babies to the hospital in an emergency that is beyond what the clinic can handle. I do not want to read too much into things but it is a blue and white cargo van type vehicle (ie blue and white bus/White Cargo Van) Anyway I am not making any huge life decision yet based on the traffic lol but I will continue to pray. I would ask you all to pray as well.
***Disclaimer: As of right now neither of us have ever felt called to career missions,or even long term missions, rather a few short trips here or there using our respective skills. ***