Relearning What Love Can Look Like.

As he shut the door to the bedroom all that was within me wanted to scream “stay out with us.. COME ON!!!!” but this year has taught me that by doing that, guilting him into staying out with us I risk ruining a good day and could even hinder or mar his relationship with our kids.

For many people that seems totally backward.  How could staying alone in his room be BETTER for us????  For my husband his sever depression has robbed him of so much, and by proxy us too.  But I learned that when he is drowning, when the waves of anxiety, agitation and depression rage around him his ability to cope is low or non-existent, so a well meaning hug or a game of “climb all over daddy” sends his body into panic, and that instinctive fight or flight sets in.  His response is less than ideal and the kids can’t understand it, so we have learned to reassure them of his love and that daddy is in bed so he can feel better and have fun with them another time, and he always follows through, so they are building that foundational trust, that he will stay true to his word.

This is not at all what I had envisioned our family life to look like but as I relearn what love can look like, I see that atypical as it may be he loves his kids just like any other dad, but that HIS love takes on a different face sometimes as he tries to balance the heavy weight of depression that is countering his love for his family.

 

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Blessed!

Today I was in contact with Newman Medical, the makers of the Digidop Fetal Doppler.  One retailer describes them as “bulletproof” (figuratively I am sure lol) Mr. Newman suggested the DigiDop 700.

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What is that?  Well here is what they had to say about it!

The DigiDop 700 WATERPROOF Display Doppler has unique features not found in other Doppler systems such as Digital Optimized Processing (DOP™). Each DigiDop is designed with the sensitivity you need while also designed to be tough and last through years of everyday office use. All our products are  Made in the USA outside of Denver, CO. Each Newman Medical Doppler and probe must pass a series of comprehensive tests to assure quality and the durability of each product.

Features:

  • Display Hand Held Doppler
  • Tough and durable polycarbonate and stainless steel case
  • Digitally Optimized Processing – DOP™
  • Unbreakable magnetic probe holder
  • All probes are interchangable
  • Each main unit comes with choice of one probe (I am getting the waterproof model)
  • User replaceable cable
  • Powered by 3 AA batteries
  • Extended battery life
  • Manufactured in the U.S.A

I am feeling so blessed right now!  There is alot of hype right now about the use of dopplers for maternity care, and I have strong opinions about that, which is certainly a blog post for another day.

Well my loves, I must sign off but wanted to fill you in on how God is blessing.
Much LOVE!

How to know?

I have been talking about my journey to Midwifery, and I think Ronnie and I have finally decided on where I am going to do my academics.  A lot of the programs were Diploma’s or Certificates, but this program will lead to a Bachelor of Midwifery ( BMid ) and focuses on not just midwifery but permaculture, sustainable living, and the Global Maternal Child Health Crisis.  My Midwifery skills conference that I have been excited about has hit a few bumps so I am now trying to decide if this is God closing the door on it, or if I just need to push through.

Bump 1)  My sitter for the two days just realized that is the week that they have mandatory training for work. ( a conference out of town)

Bump 2) FInances.  The cost of the workshop is $300 (if we pay by september 1st) and we were all for it but we blew a tire on friday, and  you can only drive on a spare for 45miles and so we will need to replace our tires (WAY overdue anyway) So that will take up any extra money we may have had allocated for my conference 😦

Now I have a belief that what God ordains will come to pass despite things seeming Humanly Impossible. He can provide tires, and money for the conference, and Childcare can fall into place!

Heres where you all come in! I am asking for people to pray with us,

Pray that God will provide the resources for me to go!

Pray that we find childcare for the duration of the course (2 days)

Pray that we get clear confirmation of what we need to do, and how to proceed.

Thanks guys for being here with me.  Love that the “body of Christ” can be felt via the web, modern technology is great!!