The Loneliness Behind That Latte.

starbucks-venti-chai-tea-latte-caffeine

My social media is plastered with posts about coffee.  Pics of my Stewart’s Iced, or something I’ve been tagged in; cute memes, play on words, or themed t-shirts.  They are cute, and it’s true, I love coffee, but the reality behind my love for coffee is less than cute.  I live in a world where sleep is scarce, often getting 2-4 hours sleep over a 42 hour period. My workload is heavy, and my husbands multiple health challenges makes him  unable to help beyond the paycheck he earns to keep our family afloat financially and I am BEYOND grateful that he is able to do that so I can stay home with our boys .  While other moms post pictures of nights out “sans kids”, or show a chore completed or the lovely meal their husband fixed them I “like” them but inside I sigh because I know that is not something that is likely to happen for me.  My coffee is the only self care thing I really have.  The Venti Latte seems lush, and lovely and a bit extravagant but in reality it is all he really has as means of helping me.  Often times it is handed to me on his way to bed for the day/night.  So while most women chat with their partner about the days events, or they all do something as I family on a Saturday, my husband is tucked into bed while my kids and I carry on. His presence missing, he says he hopes the coffee at least is a help and he says it is his way of trying to show he cares, even when it looks like he has all but hidden from us.  I joke about my coffee consumption as a means of making me feel a little less like crying, and it keeps me from unloading my real situation on the poor person who asks in passing at church “Hey how are ya?”  But the reality my coffee is the earthly thing that helps sustains me when there are miles to go before I sleep.
Now the real factor to my ability to stay the course, however sloppy the results may seem to the outsider, is my faith in Christ, but that is a post in and of itself!!!

 

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Sometimes You Just Need an Iced Coffee

It’s no secret that IcedCoffee is what keeps me standing upright! Between kids, and course work, housework and church “stuff” I seem to be running around most of the time.  One day a few weeks ago it seemed i was even to busy to run and grab iced coffee… WHAT AM I GONG TO DO?  Enter this little bottle of bliss!

icedsqueezeRonnie had brought it home from Hannaford the other day and at first I thought it was a not so subtle way of telling me i need to spend less at the Coffee Shop, but no he said “its for those days that you JUST CANT!  For my night shift ladies (and gents) who like me have worked in facilities where you were not able to leave,or your a midwife and your mama comes first so skipping out to grab coffee with her dilated to 9cm might result in some un-pleasentries shouted your way.  THIS IS FOR YOU!! I was skeptical! I am loyal to my few iced coffee places and that is it.  But a bit of this little squeeze bottle added to icey cold water, then splashed liberally with half’n’half did the trick!  It saved my sanity AND my budget.  Now it says there are 10 servings per bottle, but I say there is more like 6 (I like my coffee strong.) It cost less than $4 making each serving ~$0.67 a serving.  This review WAS NOT sponsored, although I wish it were LOL 🙂 Seriously getting paid to drink coffee would be nice.  But either way if you are looking for an easy, and inexpensive alternative to store bought Iced Coffee you may want to give this a go!!

Ask, Wait, Listen.

It was a beautiful day, not to hot, just enough breeze. The baby and I were out on the deck and Aaron was sleeping inside where daddy was. Armed with an iced coffee and my bible I decided it was time to seek out God on a few things. I have had a stirring in y soul that I do not quite know how to satisfy. I have had my heart set on midwifery for a long time, but how, when and where is unclear. Also what this stirring in my soul is. So I started by inviting God to come and speak, specifically by listening to and praying the words of the song Speak O Lord. I then did the old “open your bible and let God choose a place for it to open”  I ended up in Esther, my thought was “uh oh, this could get interesting”

Esther5But never the less I read and was open to what God would have me learn.  I then decided to worship a bit more with Starfield’s Cry in my Heart. As I tried to reflect on the music, and what the passage was saying I kept hearing the phrase “My heart is steadfast O God, My heart is steadfast”  So I flipped over to psalms to see what the whole passage was saying. This is what I see as i read through. (obviously it was not the first time this verse had spoken to me.)awake oh harp

As i read i was reminded of a vow I made to the Lord that I would go to “the ends of the earth” if he wanted me to.  I began to wonder if my time to serve was going to emerge sooner rather than later.  Then this verse came into my sight, on the adjacent page; “Then I will sing praises to your name forever as I fulfill my vows each day.”  I Decided to ask God to speak again giving me a word, or image.  I closed my eyes I couldn’t get a very clear picture and felt to open my eyes. As I did, an old, rickety, white and blue bus drove by.  Ummm…. Ok God, please clarify.  So i close my eyes, but again felt to open my eyes at which point a white cargo van drives by.  Was God trying to speak through the Traffic??  I am waiting for more clarity, but in the mean time, I saw this image when watching a video about a charity birthing clinic in the Philippines. This is their ambulance 

ambulance close up

used for transporting moms or babies to the hospital in an emergency that is beyond what the clinic can handle.   I do not want to read too much into things but it is a blue and white cargo van type vehicle (ie blue and white bus/White Cargo Van) Anyway I am not making any huge life decision yet based on the traffic lol but I will continue to pray.  I would ask you all to pray as well.  

 

 

 

***Disclaimer: As of right now neither of us have ever felt called to career missions,or even long term missions, rather a few short trips here or there using our respective skills. ***

One of those days!

Have you ever had “one of those days” I was having one yesterday! I woke up with an extreme head cold, the baby is still sick, and I noticed some thrush-like spots in his mouth (after office hours of course) my toddler (we’ll call him AJ) has a cough, and runny nose, oh yeah, and it was my husbands birthday dinner !!  The morning was a write off!! In order to get the antibiotics into the baby, then feed and change him I needed to bribe AJ with chocolate and Handy Manny.  Both boys were fussy, and AJ was running around like crazzy, and not listening AT ALL.  My husband had gotten an email from his boss saying he would be in town and they were having some pretty stressful meetings.  My attempt to take the boys to a local “all in one” kinda shop (gas, icecream, convience foods, snack bar, coffee shop) for lunch and an iced coffee for mommy took TWO HOURS to get ready for.  The day for both my husband and I was filled with multiple issues, and stressors, certainly not the mood he had hoped for on his special day.  By the time he got home the last thing he wanted to do was be social.  We made it through dinner, cards, and gifts, but forewent dessert, then came home to crash.  We were exhausted and honestly not in a good mood.  But then, true to form, our little guy snuggled up next to daddy and gave him a big hug, said “HAND” and led him to snuggle in bed.  It made me so thankful for the love we share as a family, that even in the thick of it all our son knows that a little love goes a long way, and that we are able to put aside our stresses, and love him right back!!