The Loneliness Behind That Latte.

starbucks-venti-chai-tea-latte-caffeine

My social media is plastered with posts about coffee.  Pics of my Stewart’s Iced, or something I’ve been tagged in; cute memes, play on words, or themed t-shirts.  They are cute, and it’s true, I love coffee, but the reality behind my love for coffee is less than cute.  I live in a world where sleep is scarce, often getting 2-4 hours sleep over a 42 hour period. My workload is heavy, and my husbands multiple health challenges makes him  unable to help beyond the paycheck he earns to keep our family afloat financially and I am BEYOND grateful that he is able to do that so I can stay home with our boys .  While other moms post pictures of nights out “sans kids”, or show a chore completed or the lovely meal their husband fixed them I “like” them but inside I sigh because I know that is not something that is likely to happen for me.  My coffee is the only self care thing I really have.  The Venti Latte seems lush, and lovely and a bit extravagant but in reality it is all he really has as means of helping me.  Often times it is handed to me on his way to bed for the day/night.  So while most women chat with their partner about the days events, or they all do something as I family on a Saturday, my husband is tucked into bed while my kids and I carry on. His presence missing, he says he hopes the coffee at least is a help and he says it is his way of trying to show he cares, even when it looks like he has all but hidden from us.  I joke about my coffee consumption as a means of making me feel a little less like crying, and it keeps me from unloading my real situation on the poor person who asks in passing at church “Hey how are ya?”  But the reality my coffee is the earthly thing that helps sustains me when there are miles to go before I sleep.
Now the real factor to my ability to stay the course, however sloppy the results may seem to the outsider, is my faith in Christ, but that is a post in and of itself!!!

 

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Virtual Homeschool Co-op!!!!!!

I’m IN!!!! So excited to be participating in the Virtual Homeschool Coo-op with an awesome group of homeschooling mamas!!! This is my intro video, bare with me I am still learning 😉 I will be posting videos as the assignments for the Co-op dictate, i will still post my regular post for you non homeschoolers who follow my blog 🙂

This response video is my part of the Virtual Homeschool Coop Channel Collaboration. You can find out more at http://www.virtualhomeschoolcoop.com The goal of the Virtual Homeschool Coop is to build the homeschool community of knowledge with collaborations to give voice to all experiences in homeschooling.

The Day I Went to Planned Parenthood and My View of Phil. 4:19 Changed.

I have been feeling led by the Holy Spirit to post this, but have been resistant. He is telling me someone out there needs to hear my story to help change theirs. So here it is, painful, but honest and real. 

I don’t often speak of my Journey into Motherhood. They were desperate years and I honestly had few people who knew to help, so thereimages (7) I sat already into my 2nd trimester in the waiting room of Planned Parenthood. I was there because I had no other choice.  I found out I was pregnant in September, by October my husband had gotten laid off and thus we were left without insurance. I was very, very sick. Nothing was curbing the nausea and not an OBGYN office in town would touch me. A local pharmacist had told me that Planned Parenthood would see me regardless, and he was right! They never pushed termination; they gave me a urine test and helped me get Medicad. We began to praise God that these ladies were able to help me when NO OTHER individual or organization was willing to. He was already showing us that He was faithful to provide.

For most people a layoff with a pregnant wife would be scary, but they would pull from the savings account until they could replace it. We didn’t have that. When we moved here after hearing God lead us to come help with the launch of Vantage Pointe we used what little savings we had to get us down here. After his layoff we both applied for jobs left right and center on both sides of the border to no avail. We withdrew our entire retirement and began rationing it out to cover rent and food. As time went by and no jobs were had it became apparent that something else had to go. We had terminated cable and Internet early on, and so we woul only drive to church and back or to the store so as not use gas. Next came coffee elimination, then finally the food budget. Our money stretched and by the Grace of God, managed to eat one meal a day, and buy Aaron’s myriad of medications he took once he arrived home.

While I missed out on getting to have a glider ottoman, and nursery set up, or picking out baby clothes God lead us to Open Arms Pregnancy Center where we were given hope and the most wonderful gift of bottles, jammies and a nice warm blanket. A lady on Craigslist was giving away some items and a church family gave me a breast pump so I could express milk while Aaron was in the NICU. It would also sustain him for months after until my milk dried up and we had to use formula.

It was during that time that I began to re-evaluate Philippians 4:19

“And my God will supply all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.  I often confuse my wants for my needs. I wanted a beautiful nursery, a big dresser full of tiny clothes. But I didn’t NEED those things! He slept in his car seat beside the bed. It was hot that year he was born so he could get by in a diaper. Eventually we found a rocknplay and when he outgrew that he came into our bed until Ronnie started work and we could get him a toddler bed. Was it ideal, NO! But we managed. All were fed, with a roof over our heads.

Ronnie has been back in the US and to work just over 2 years. We have begun rebuying the items we sold to survive; dressers, end tables, furniture and dishes. As we meet other people struggling we can try and be an encouragement that things CAN get better. We can point to Gods provision of a few simple items that made a big difference.  

If you know us apart from my Blog you know we now drive BMW, BUT PLEASE know that it is 12years old. The back bumper is missing; there is no display screens, cameras, or navigation.   Some of the standard features no longer work, and it hates to start when it’s cold. (Not good in Upstate Winters). But it runs, looks decent and was the same price as the Ford on the lot beside it, with better space. We are now purposing to get out of debt, and stay out of Debt and are working through the Financial Freedom Seminar. God has been building a Life’s Message in us and we look forward to all that He has in store for us in the coming years.

Go Into All The World… My journey into Midwifery

For years the desire of my heart has been to be a midwife, to serve women in a time when they need someone the most.  God began to speak to me about overseas service and I felt compelled to say YES… whenever You are ready.  I have always thrived in a situation of urgency.  When there would be a “crisis alert” or “Code” at work I would feel the adrenaline start to flow and I would get in that ZONE.  My first ever blood draw was during a code, I was shoved to the bedside and had orders to draw 4 vials of blood and blood cultures (a weird sterile procedure, that has to be done JUST SO) yelled at me with a room full of Drs, nurses, RTs etc.  I did it, first attempt and I remember thinking that God had blessed me with a gift, of a) finding the unfindable vein, and b) keeping cool under pressure. 

Skip ahead 6 years.  Married, 2 kids, hectic life.  God begins to stir in me the desire he placed within me years before.  The midwifery bug bit, and now I lay awake at night thinking about how it is I am going to fill this call.

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The Global Organization of Midwives along with the a mainstream missions organization are equipping healthcare workers with vital skills, education, and support, so they may go where there is great need. As a family, we are teaming up with them, and next September I am starting formal midwifery and Missionary education,  with an academic focus on the global maternal health crisis with the intention of going overseas, to be the hands and feet of Christ, providing dignified, lifesaving, maternal healthcare to the women who need it most. 

I will be doing one of my Midwifery Clinical Placements at a charity birth center overseas to refine my midwifery skills but also to learn emergency management in remote areas / the out of hospital setting which requires a very specific skills set not often seen in the US.

We had photos taken today, compliments of Heartfelt Photography that will be used for Prayer Cards.  These will be sent out to those who wish to pray for us, get updates on what we are doing, or if so lead, give to our mission.  I said to Ronnie today “This is starting to feel real” to which he replied “This IS real!” 

This year we will be raising funds, for the required missions training, the cost of the overseas missions trip/midwifery placement, and the cost of supplies; for a total of $10,000. We will also have to pay the cost associated with my Midwifery degree, licensing and exam fee, as well as our day to day living expenses.  We have started an amazon WISH LIST  with some of the books, equipment and supplies I am required to have, and will have a list of items that I will need to take with me to my placement (medications, linens, medical supplies, hand sanitizer, etc) that I will post if people want to be able to help when the time comes.  

Please continue to follow this blog, and pray for us as we begin this crazy life changing journey.  Additionally, if you attend a church who would be willing to hear our storey and pray for us please let us know!  

Love you all!

How to know?

I have been talking about my journey to Midwifery, and I think Ronnie and I have finally decided on where I am going to do my academics.  A lot of the programs were Diploma’s or Certificates, but this program will lead to a Bachelor of Midwifery ( BMid ) and focuses on not just midwifery but permaculture, sustainable living, and the Global Maternal Child Health Crisis.  My Midwifery skills conference that I have been excited about has hit a few bumps so I am now trying to decide if this is God closing the door on it, or if I just need to push through.

Bump 1)  My sitter for the two days just realized that is the week that they have mandatory training for work. ( a conference out of town)

Bump 2) FInances.  The cost of the workshop is $300 (if we pay by september 1st) and we were all for it but we blew a tire on friday, and  you can only drive on a spare for 45miles and so we will need to replace our tires (WAY overdue anyway) So that will take up any extra money we may have had allocated for my conference 😦

Now I have a belief that what God ordains will come to pass despite things seeming Humanly Impossible. He can provide tires, and money for the conference, and Childcare can fall into place!

Heres where you all come in! I am asking for people to pray with us,

Pray that God will provide the resources for me to go!

Pray that we find childcare for the duration of the course (2 days)

Pray that we get clear confirmation of what we need to do, and how to proceed.

Thanks guys for being here with me.  Love that the “body of Christ” can be felt via the web, modern technology is great!!