Ask, Wait, Listen.

It was a beautiful day, not to hot, just enough breeze. The baby and I were out on the deck and Aaron was sleeping inside where daddy was. Armed with an iced coffee and my bible I decided it was time to seek out God on a few things. I have had a stirring in y soul that I do not quite know how to satisfy. I have had my heart set on midwifery for a long time, but how, when and where is unclear. Also what this stirring in my soul is. So I started by inviting God to come and speak, specifically by listening to and praying the words of the song Speak O Lord. I then did the old “open your bible and let God choose a place for it to open”  I ended up in Esther, my thought was “uh oh, this could get interesting”

Esther5But never the less I read and was open to what God would have me learn.  I then decided to worship a bit more with Starfield’s Cry in my Heart. As I tried to reflect on the music, and what the passage was saying I kept hearing the phrase “My heart is steadfast O God, My heart is steadfast”  So I flipped over to psalms to see what the whole passage was saying. This is what I see as i read through. (obviously it was not the first time this verse had spoken to me.)awake oh harp

As i read i was reminded of a vow I made to the Lord that I would go to “the ends of the earth” if he wanted me to.  I began to wonder if my time to serve was going to emerge sooner rather than later.  Then this verse came into my sight, on the adjacent page; “Then I will sing praises to your name forever as I fulfill my vows each day.”  I Decided to ask God to speak again giving me a word, or image.  I closed my eyes I couldn’t get a very clear picture and felt to open my eyes. As I did, an old, rickety, white and blue bus drove by.  Ummm…. Ok God, please clarify.  So i close my eyes, but again felt to open my eyes at which point a white cargo van drives by.  Was God trying to speak through the Traffic??  I am waiting for more clarity, but in the mean time, I saw this image when watching a video about a charity birthing clinic in the Philippines. This is their ambulance 

ambulance close up

used for transporting moms or babies to the hospital in an emergency that is beyond what the clinic can handle.   I do not want to read too much into things but it is a blue and white cargo van type vehicle (ie blue and white bus/White Cargo Van) Anyway I am not making any huge life decision yet based on the traffic lol but I will continue to pray.  I would ask you all to pray as well.  




***Disclaimer: As of right now neither of us have ever felt called to career missions,or even long term missions, rather a few short trips here or there using our respective skills. ***


Eli’s Birth Story


If you followed Facebook at all you know we had a few false alarms, so on Sunday Mar 30 when I began to have a lot of regular cramping I was hesitant to get my hopes up that this was actually “it”.

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Earlier that day I had told Ronnie I wanted to go walking so we grabbed the stroller, some Starbucks, and hit the mall. We walked for quite a while until I was feeling tired and suggested we head for home. When we got home I was overcome with exhaustion so Ronnie and Aaron cuddled on the couch with a movie and I took a nap. About 730pm I awoke with some cramping (kind of like if you eat something that doesn’t agree with you and get cramps from it) but of course given history I assumed they were nothing more than cramps and I put it out of my mind. By 830 the cramps began to regulate and were coming every 15mins, but still unsure I decided it wasn’t anything to worry about, but grabbed a cup of iced RRL Tea and some dinner. I let Ronnie know that there was some regularity to the cramps, but it wasn’t anything yet. I paced the halls of the house alternating with squatting, swaying, rocking, dancing and tailored sitting when I needed to rest. By 11 things had really picked up, the cramps had switched to notable contractions, and had been coming every 5minutes for a while. We called the midwife to let her know what was up, and she said to wait a bit (3mins apart) and then go to the birth center when I felt I was ready. At this point Ronnie was long in bed because he figure this was it, and I decided to do the same, I rested as much as I could but the contractions picked up quickly, and by 2 I was no longer able to sleep or talk through them, they were 3 mins apart and my mood had defiantly changed from my usual self to demanding, impatient and determined to have this baby!!! I gathered up my labor snacks and drinks bag, our other pre-packed bag, and let mom and dad know it was time.

When we got to the birth center of our local hospital they got me registered and took me to a room to get assessed. Each room has a pull out couch for dad, a bathroom with a beautiful walk-in shower with: hand held sprayer, a bench, birthing ball and grab bar to get into all sorts of nice positions. And then of course moms bed which has a separate control to split the bed making a modified all fours super comfy. The birth center knew my desire for no pain meds, no IV and Low intervention. They did Intermittent Auscultation with handheld Doppler vs Fetal Monitor, and my Nurse was actually a trained doula as well as an RN. They had called her to come in for me because they needed an extra staff nurse and they knew our views of birth lined up.
Baby was OP so back labor was INSANE and of course it took the baby a while to descend and pass the landmarks he needed to. But our nurse was fantastic; she had tips and tricks that were awesome! She was right there in the shower with me, rubbing my belly, or back, and holding the showerhead on the spots that felt good at that time.

By about 7am things started to change, I was in the shower (still) and all of a sudden I felt pressure, a gush of blood came, and I let out a scream. They got me to the bed and realized baby was moving down FAST but was not positioned well. They got me into a crazy acrobatic yoga type position to try and get baby to position himself correctly (Katie might remember it from Aaron’s birth) MY midwife Sue had not been on that night (another was covering call) so at that point she said NOT to bother the on call CNM, and that she would come in early because she wanted to be there for me. She got there and determined baby was getting into a better position and that things would be moving soon.
I had a brief period of fear, worrying that things were going to go wrong. So she told everyone to be quiet and she got up in my face, and told me that I could do it, and that I just needed to close my eyes for a few minutes and breath.   I felt like I was in a scene from Ina May’s “Birth Story” as she rubbed my legs and chanted to “breath, let it go , you can do this etc etc” All of a sudden I yelled “SUE… I need to push” She said ok lets see. Then I yell “NO! Sue I AM PUSHHHINGGGG!” Ronnie looked down and saw shoulders. I pushed 2 more times for a total of 4 pushes and Eli was born, 8:48am 8lbs 1 oz. I lifted him to my chest and Ronnie cut the cord after it had stopped pulsating. Sue was at the foot of the bed and she began to look a bit concerned. The RN grabbed an IV start kit and a few extra hands came in. My placenta was not delivering, and I was beginning to loose a fair amount of blood. Even with controlled cord traction it was not budging. The on call OB was notified and they started Pitocin. Before the OB could arrive my placenta (or most of it) was delivered and with A LOT of very firm fundal massage the bleeding was beginning to slow to a less emergent rate. They left the pit running, and continued with very firm fundal massage, as the bleeding was still quite heavy. As the day progressed I began to sense that things were not right. I felt off, weak and not at all like myself. An attempt to get to the bathroom ended with me being carried back to bed buy 3 nurses. My blood pressure was bottoming out, and my heart rate was beginning to rise rapidly. I had sent Ronnie home to grab a shower and a nap, and then bring back some real food. It was while he was gone that the OB came in and said they needed to do an emergency scan, that I was going to need at least 2 maybe 3 units of blood and probably surgery. I called Ronnie and he showed up, we called my parents, and asked a few others to pray. The OB did a bedside ultrasound after a few other tests and decided they could manually remove the pieces and clots left and that she would not have to do the surgery. I ended up with 2 units of blood, which did help a fair bit, and I am on a high quality ($50/month) Iron Supplement.   I am being monitored closely still and my Midwife and OB have both said my body is quite weak. Ronnie has been incredible doing what he can to help me. We want to thank also family and friends who have brought meals, or come and helped with housework, or taken one or both of the kids out for a bit so I can get a nap. We are blessed with an adorable little family, and God really answered prayers that things didn’t go from bad to worse.





In The Quiet

Last week at church the pastor talked about listening and being quiet while we wait on God, something North Americans struggle with.  In the quiet this week, I have began to feel the tug on my heart for the mission field i felt many years ago.  I am sitting here with a cup of tea and a sleeping baby and wonder what that looks like.  My mind wonders to a missionary birthing center where you go and study midwifery, work at a free clinic, and share with others the love of christ.  It encompasses so much of who I am, and what i believe about access to maternity care for all, and of course sharing the gift that God gave; us His son Jesus Christ.  The commitment is huge, 2.5 years and ALOT of money for living costs, fees associated with immigration, supplies like dopplers, and medical equipment, books and tuition.  I do not know if this is what God is calling me to, or if he has another place in mind. I do not know if this is going to be a short term missions trip or something a little longer.  I dont even know when or how, but i rest in knowing He knows all the details.  Pray that i am open to hearing what He has to say, and that no matter what it is he tells me, i am ready to go.